I Try to walk away and I stumble
by gem1313
Summary: I may appear to be free, But I'm just a prisoner of your love, I may seem alright and smile when you leave, But my smiles are just a front.


A/N Please read and review. It only takes a minute to review and it would mean so much to me, I've spent a long time working on this and it would be nice to know it was appreciated!

Thanks -Gemz-

b i Games, changes and fears

When will they go from here

When will they stop

I believe that fate has brought us here

And we should be together

But we're not /b /i 

"When will this all end?" Harry thought as he watched his best friend saying a tearful and emotional good-bye to his family.

Mrs. Weasley wasn't happy when she heard that Ron, Hermione and Harry weren't planning to return to Hogwarts, even if it did reopen. In fact, saying she wasn't happy was like saying Voldemort wasn't a very nice person. She was devastated. Everyone was.

They had decided to tell everyone after Bill and Fleur's wedding Although they'd all agreed this was because they didn't want to spoil the happy day, they all knew that truth the real reason for waiting to tell everyone was because they were worried about people's reactions and questions. Both Harry and Ron had wanted to leave a letter explaining that they and Hermione had important things to finish, and that they wouldn't be returning until it was all completed. However Hermione had insisted that they told everyone in person.

Harry felt his heart in his throat as he watched the Weasleys. It was 3 days after the wedding. All the Weasleys except Percy- who still wasn't speaking to his family- had come to the Burrow to say good-bye to their youngest son and brother.

The twins no longer had their cheeky smiles. They looked solemn and grave, emotions that appeared so out of place on their faces. They looked at Ron and both gave him a long hug and patted him on his back. Fred pulled a small box out of his pocket and passed it to Ron. In a low voice George had said something to Ron, who nodded, pocketed the box and thanked them, before giving them both another quick hug.

Both of the twins had turned to Harry, tried to smile, and did a good job given the graveness of the situation. They handed Harry a box as well and said, "Couldn't let our benefactor go galloping around looking for the bad guys, having all the fun, without giving him something to remember us by, could we now?" At this point they really did smile, actually it was more of a smirk, and they raised their eye brows. At their show of light humour Harry couldn't help but smile back at them. The twins would always be…well the twins. They then turned to Hermione and gave her a hug.

Bill and Fleur were standing very close together holding hands. Bill's cuts had healed well, leaving only a few visible scars on his face, which at this moment held immense sadness. Bill was now leaning on Fleur slightly for support. He too hugged Ron tightly, but didn't say a word to him. He gave Hermione a hug before shaking Harry's hand and giving him a quick slap on the back and a hug.

i The dinner on the night after the wedding had been a joyful meal. The twins were joking around causing Tonks to spill peas down her shirt from laughing so hard, which in turn had caused Remus to laugh twice as hard. Mrs. Weasley enjoyed fussing over Tonks and mildly told Fred and George off, although she wore a small smile. Bill and Fleur were sitting next to each other being, in Harry's opinion, extremely lovey-dovey.

Charlie and Ginny were discussing Quidditch and brooms, " Well, yes I know I haven't,' Ginny said in a disgruntled voice, " but just by looking at the difference anyone can see that the Nimbus is out of date," said Ginny, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "They are still basically using to same design they were when the Nimbus was first invented." Then in a dreamy voice she continued, "Whereas the Firebolts design is more modern, more aerodynamic, lighter, and easier to control…."

Charlie interrupted her. "But the Nimbus doesn't /i need i to change its design. It's been around for hundreds of years, and it's worked fine all those years…"

"Just because it's been around longer doesn't mean its better. Just look at me and you for example. You were around years before me, but lets face it, everyone knows I'm /i much i better than you!" Ginny answered back with a cheeky grin, and as Charlie was working out exactly what she'd said, and a good come back, Ginny had nicked his last Yorkshire pudding. Charlie just laughed and messed up her hair.

Mr. Weasley was listening intensely to Hermione's explanation of how planes stay in the air. "… the airplane, increased velocity means lower air pressure. When the top of the wing has little air pressure, and when there is a lot of air pressure travelling under the wing, the wing lifts the plane into the sky. If the plane loses speed…." Hermione said excitedly, and although Harry suspected Mr. Weasley didn't truly understand what Hermione was saying, he was nodding his head enthusiastically.

Ron was shovelling food down as quickly as possible, as if trying to memorize the taste of all the food Mrs. Weasley had laid out.

Although at first glance both of his best friend's behaviour seemed perfectly normal, Harry knew that Hermione was doing what she had always done when she was excited, nervous or angry. She was going into a deep explanation of something complicated using the most complicated terms that nearly no one would understand. And then there was Ron eating everything he could without stopping for breath, or even to finish what he was already chewing, not caring what it was that he was eating.

Harry himself was trying desperately hard not think what everyone at the table would say to him when he, Ron, and Hermione told them of their plans. He was trying extra hard not to think of, or look at Ginny. He was finding that especially difficult because she looked so sweet and innocent teasing Charlie, wearing a grin that clearly said she wasn't as sweet and innocent as she'd like you to think, but that actually she was passionate, strong, mischievous and fiery.

b i I play it off but I'm dreamin of you

I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin. /b /i 

He mentally shook himself of those thoughts and went back to watching the happy chaos that was the Burrow, knowing that once the meal was over, he, Ron, and Hermione would be the ones to break the happiness that currently surrounded everyone. /i 

Harry was brought back to the scene in front of him by a loud sob from Mrs. Weasley who was now hugging Ron as tight as she could. Ron was trying desperately to comfort his mum. "It'll be alright mum, I promise. We'll be back for Christmas. You'll see."

Charlie looked away from his mum and his eyes settled on Harry's face. He walked over to where Harry stood a little way from the rest of the group. He sighed quietly. "Just…just look after yourself and those two," he indicated to Hermione and Ron, who was still being hugged by Mrs. Weasley, " Good luck Harry." He shook Harry's hand and patted him gruffly on the back. Then Charlie grinned, "And you know, maybe when you get back I can finally prove I'm the better seeker? What d'ya think?" Harry grinned.

i Finally, after everyone had eaten enough, though no one ate as much as Ron had managed, Hermione looked at Harry and nodded. Harry felt his heart beat faster and his blood go cold. He nodded back at her, feeling terrified. Slowly he stood up and Mr. Weasley looked inquisitively at him. He cleared his throat and Mrs. Weasley and Remus turned to look at him. Remus put his hand on Tonks upper arm and she turned from talking to Fred and also stared at Harry. Soon everyone was watching Harry. He nervously cleared his throat again, trying hard to think of a way to start.

"Is everything alright Harry dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked softly.

Harry nodded his head, and then slowly shook it. " um, no Mrs. Weasley. No it's not. I've got something to tell all of you." He was finding it impossible to say what he needed to. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, Ginny's eyes, and he didn't know where to begin.

"You know that the night D...Dumbledore was…" Harry took a great breath, "The night Dumbledore was killed, I was with him. Before the attack, - we had gone off from the grounds to retrieve something." Harry paused "we didn't have a chance to get all the items we needed to, there are still more to find. Now it's down to me to carry on and find them.

"Only myself, Ron and Hermione know about this, well Gin..," he found her name stuck in his throat, "Ginny knows a bit about it as well. Dumbledore didn't want anyone else to know.

"This year I won't be returning to Hogwarts. I'll be carrying on what he started. Ron and Hermione have said that they're going to join me. I must do this, it's down to me to finish of what Dumbledore started, and I intend to do everything I can to finish the job off probably."

Shocked and confused faces stared at him. All except Ginny's. Hers was staring adamantly at the table and Harry suspected she was trying to fight tears, for she already knew the dangers he would face when he left the Burrow in search for the Horcruxes.

When they had started dating, Harry had told her that he knew what the prophecy said, and had given her a brief idea as to what it foretold. He also told her that his time spent with Dumbledore was to help him prepare for the events mentioned in the prophecy. Without telling her about Horcruxes, he told her that there were items that Dumbledore was trying to collect, things that had belonged to Voldemort and that need to be destroyed before Harry could fulfil the prophecy. He mentioned that the Professors hand had been burned in the destruction of one item, and when he said that another had been destroyed years ago before they knew its importance, Ginny had guessed straight away that the thing he meant was Tom Riddles Diary.

Before they had a chance to let what Harry had said sink in, he started off again speaking quickly. "The prophecy you tried to guard in my 5th year, I know what it says. Voldemort would do anything to find out what it says, so I won't tell you. But because of this prophecy, I'm doing this, finish what Dumbledore started, because it was never Dumbledore's job, his fate to finish it. It has always been mine. I must do this; I've got to stop Voldemort before it's too late."

He paused and stared at Ginny until she lifted her head to look at him. Harry could see a single tear drop fall down her cheek as she met Harry's gaze. Harry looked back, right into her eyes, and into her heart. "Before he kills more people I love," he said in a low soft voice, still looking straight at Ginny. Refusing to look away, another two tears fell down her face.

There was silence for a few seconds, although Harry didn't notice, he was still staring at Ginny. Then all hell broke lose. Everyone was talking at once, but Mrs. Weasley was heard the clearest of all. "No…no…no, no, no, no, no" she cried, " You're too young, you all are; it's not your fate…it can't be," and she broke down sobbing. /i 

Mrs. Weasley finally let go of Ron and threw her arms firmly around Harry. He could feel her sobbing silently now. "Oh Harry. Why you?" Harry wrapped his arms around her softly. "I'll look after Ron Mrs. Weasley, I promise…"

"Oh Harry, look after yourself as well dear, I know you'll take care of my Ron, but look after yourself too. Please" she started crying strongly again. He could feel tears sting the back of his eyes. She was such a brilliant woman. She had always accepted Harry, no questions asked. She loved him like her own son, and that thought made all the pain in Harry's heart lessen slightly.

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley, for everything. Thank you for everything you've done for me…" He broke off, feeling his throat tighten.

Harry felt another hand pat his back. "Come on Molly dear, let the boy breathe," came Mr. Weasley's strong voice and Mrs. Weasley broke slowly away from Harry. As she pulled away, Mr. Weasley gave Harry a quick hug.

Mr. Weasley smiled at him. "You will always be part of our family Harry, remember that. I won't say 'look after my son' or 'look after yourself', because I know you will look after him, and I know he'll look after you. Just know that we love you and want you back safe as soon as possible, if you need anything, just ask, Son." He gave Harry another quick hug before releasing him.

Harry stared and the floor and nodded. He saw Mrs. Weasley wipe her eyes quickly, then smile. "Now then Harry," she said straightening his robes, "Don't you think it's time you stopped calling us Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, hmm? You're an adult now, you know our names, and you can call us by them. And of course, you can always call me…" she looked down at Harry's shoes then up at his face, she smiled, "You can always call me Mum." And for the hundredth time that day, although he didn't mind at this moment, he was being hugged.

i Eventually everyone had calmed down and things talked through. Mrs. Weasley had cried almost constantly through the talk, except to demand that they were too young, they were only kids and that she wouldn't allow it.

Harry had repeated everything he'd said before at least twice more. This time with Hermione or Ron adding in things, or backing him up. Questions had been asked, but Harry told no more information than he had mentioned at the table, insisting it would be dangerous for them to know, that he'd promised Dumbledore he wouldn't tell anyone and that he just wasn't prepared to let them know the exact words of the prophecy. All Harry added was that the day after tomorrow, the three of them would set off in hope of finding what they were looking for, and that they hoped it wouldn't take long, but they really had no idea how long it would take.

Finally everyone seemed to understand that they weren't getting anymore information out of the Trio, and had decided instead to grab a mug of hot chocolate and head for bed.

Everyone except Ginny and Harry that is. Both stayed downstairs long after the rest of the house retired for bed. After they sat in silence for a long while, Harry got up from his chair next to the fire, and sat next to Ginny on the sofa.

Harry had been at the Burrow for three days, and yet he still hadn't had a proper conversation with Ginny.

After the funeral, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had walked down to Hogmeade with Ron, Ginny, and the twins where Ginny and Ron side-along apparated with their parents. Bill and Hermione both went back to Kings Cross on the train with Harry. This meant that Harry hadn't seen or spoken to Ginny until he arrived two days before the wedding.

But then they didn't talk. Even if they'd wanted to there wouldn't have been a spare moment to. Everything had been hectic and no one had a chance to talk to anyone else unless it involved the wedding flowers, or the colour of the dress robes, the number of guests, how many arriving at what time, etc, etc.

Of course they'd managed to pass pleasantries, the casual "Morning Ginny" or "How are you today Harry?" at meal times, but nothing of any importance, and Harry didn't know if he felt relief or disappointment at this..

But now, they were finally alone. Without a word, almost unconsciously Harry leaned back into the sofa, putting his arm behind Ginny's back as she, snuggled up to him, seeking his warmth and comfort as much as he was seeking hers. /i 

"Thanks," Harry paused. On so many levels it felt right to call Mrs. Weasley 'Mum'. Even since his first year she had been there for him, ever since she'd helped him find his way onto platform 9and ¾. But at the same time he'd never called anyone Mum before, and the word stuck in his throat. But he swallowed. "Goodbye- Mum," and before she could say anything else he walked away.

Hermione was now hugging Ginny tightly; both girls had tears in their eyes. I can do this /i Harry thought, i I can say goodbye /i . Harry walked slowly over to where the girls were standing, as he reached them Hermione stepped back and Harry was face to face with Ginny. With difficulty, he forced his eyes to look into Ginny's face. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks, but her eyes were shinning bright. She gave him a small smile and stepped closer to him. Harry took her hand into his, and squeezed tight, he opened his mouth to say goodbye, but no words came out. He tugged on her hand, pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms. His mouth had gone dry and now more than ever he thought he might cry.

i They sat in that position in front of the fire until all that was left were glowing embers. Finally Harry spoke. "Ginny, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But I must do this, I don't want to lose you, I must do this, I'm so sorry." He kept repeating these words over and over again, almost pleading with her to understand.

"Don't be sorry Harry," Ginny snuggled in as close as she could to him, "I get it, really I do. There's nothing to be sorry for," she sighed and Harry thought she was about to say something else, but there was only silence.

Eventually Harry spoke again. He spoke in a low husky whisper, "I have to go. I don't want you to hate me. I've got to go, I've … I've got to say," his voice cracked. He knew he had to do this, he had to say goodbye to her. If anything happened to him, he had to know he done this, said goodbye and enabled her to move on. But he couldn't say it. It all sounded so final…too final. He took a deep breath and started again.

"What I mean to say is…I might not come back and I just...I need to…"

b I try to say goodbye and I choke /b 

"Goodbye Ginny, in case I don't- I don't see you again, goodbye. You don't know how much you mean to me. How much you've helped me and how happy you made me. I'm not exaggerating when I say I was never happier than when I was with you."

Harry could now feel Ginny against him, shaking slightly, a small sob escaped her lips.

"It's not goodbye Harry, never goodbye."

Ginny stopped shaking and had sat up. She stared at Harry, directly in the eyes, penetrating deep into his soul. He tried to hold her gaze, but all the emotions were overwhelming him. He knew if he stayed there with her any longer, his resolve would crumble. He would take her in his arms and ask for her forgiveness ask for her to take him back, tell her it would be fine, they could hide, Voldemort would never find them and if he did, they would still have had more time together, just the two of them, living happily with each other.

Instead he dropped his gaze and stood up. He was determined to walk away from her and up the stairs without looking back. He had to. He took two steps towards the door at the bottom of the stairs before he stopped. "I can't turn around" he said to himself, "I can't let her see how much I want her, how much I need her. She's safer this way." Then with one last look at her, he climbed the first few stairs.

b I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near /b 

"Goodbye Ginny." He sprinted the rest of the way to Ron's bedroom.

b Goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near /b /i 

Harry held on as tight as he could to Ginny. Around him, he knew everyone else was finishing saying goodbye and that in a minute he, Ron and Hermione would be leaving.

Ginny gave him a tight squeeze and pulled back, removing her arms from around his neck, but instead placing them firmly around his waist. "Take care Harry, promise me you'll take care," Harry nodded, he didn't trust himself to speak just then, "promise you'll come back home safely in one piece, you'll come back home, to us, to…to me Harry. Promise me."

Harry's heart was beating so fast and hard he thought it might explode. His throat was dry and his eyes were prickling. "I promise," he croaked, "I'll do whatever it takes. I promise."

Ginny smiled up at him. She had to smile or she might cry. She wanted to be strong for him, but right now all she wanted to do was beg him to stay and to hold her forever. She was being selfish, she knew.

i b I may appear to be free

But I'm just a prisoner of your love

I may seem alright and smile when you leave

But my smiles are just a front

I play it off but I'm dreamin of you

I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near /B /i 

Ginny felt Harry pull away gently and already she felt empty from loss of contact.

As Hermione gently steered Harry away to stand next to her and Ron, he realized something. i It /i wasn't gentle. It didn't happen gradually, it hit him like a lightening bolt, hard and powerfully. He knew right then, that no matter what, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ginny. He loved her with all his heart. So much that it hurt. He didn't know why he hadn't worked it out sooner.

But by now he was already walking away with his two best friends, away from the Burrow, away from his family, away from the women he loved.

" HARRY, Harry, wait, wait…" he turned around to see Ginny running as fast as she could towards him. Her vibrant red hair was tearing about her, and tears were rolling down her face. Harry thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. He opened up his arms and Ginny threw herself into them, holding on to Harry for dear life. He pulled her as close as he could. Ginny's feet had left the ground and she wrapped around his waist; he clung to her and stroked her hair. His cheek was flat against hers and he planted small kisses along her neck.

" Harry, I need you so much, I need you. Please don't leave me. I feel empty without you, I'm yours Harry, always have been, always will be. Don't leave me, please. I need you." Ginny sobbed. She knew she was being stupid. She knew he had to leave. She'd tried being strong, but she couldn't, she needed him.

b i Here is my confession

May I be your possession

Boy I need your touch

Your love kisses and such

With all my might I try

But this I can't deny

I play it off but im dreamin of you

I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say good bye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near /i /b 

Ginny's feet were on the floor now, but they were still wrapped up in their embrace, Harry was trailing kisses up and down Ginny's neck, making her shiver and Ginny's nails was drawing circles on Harry's back.

"I'm not leaving you Ginny, I never could. I love you Ginny. I love you so much, I could never leave you, never." Then he leaned down and captured Ginny's mouth in his. This wasn't a soft gentle kiss. It was a kiss filled with desperation and fear. They clung to each other, trying to find reassurance, to find stability. As they kissed, they poured all their anger and fear into it, trying to find shelter from the world that was fighting in each other.

Ginny moaned as Harry's hands moved down, wrapping around her and pressing her close, almost trying to meld into one being, thinking if he held her closer enough they'd become one and he could protect her with his own body.

Ginny's emotions exploded, her mind blurred as she felt her distress and fear mix with Harry's. It spread through her, into her heart, into her soul, and her bones, causing her to go weak at the knees.

A sense of numbness consumed her. All she knew, all she wanted was Harry. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. Nothing else mattered. Then a warm, tingling feeling filled her as the kiss changed, becoming gentler, the fear and frustration fading, giving way to something more. There were so many emotions, they overwhelmed her and Ginny had to break away from the kiss, once again burying her face in Harry's chest.

Then she remembered what Harry had said. He loved her, and calmness filled her. "I love you too. So much."

They both knew everything would be alright. They loved each other and that was all that mattered. Harry still had to go away, but now he would return. He had to because he loved Ginny and Ginny loved him. "It's not a goodbye; it's a see you later. Because we will. We will see each other again, soon." Ginny stood on tip-toe and kissed Harry again.

This time it was a loving, lingering kiss. "I love you Ginny. Don't forget that," he said before he turned and walked away, and even though she had tears in her eyes, Ginny was now smiling, properly.

This might be war, and people might die, but one thing can't be killed and that is her love for Harry and his love for her. Yes, everything would turn out fine. She knew it would.

b i Games, changes and fears

When will they go from here

When will they stop

I believe that fate has brought us here

And we should be together

But we're not

I play it off but I'm dreamin of you

I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.

I try to say goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free

But I'm just a prisoner of your love

I may seem alright and smile when you leave

But my smiles are just a front

I play it off but I'm dreamin of you

I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession

May I be your possession

Boy I need your touch

Your love kisses and such

With all my might I try

But this I can't deny

I play it off but im dreamin of you

I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say good bye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near /i /b 

A/N Song by Macy Grey, 'I try.'

Please review, it would mean a lot to me. it's my first fic and i would love to know peoples opinion of it.

Thank you to b Ginger Snap /b and b Shawn24 /b for beta-ing, i couldn't have done it without you!

Oh and the song doesn't belong to me, but to Macy Gray and the Characters and bases of the story belong to the wonderful and talented Jk, so don't sue me!

i I've now had over 300 reads but only 5 reviews! Surely that can't be good, please review! Please! It only takes a minute, tell me how i can improve! /I 


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